Day 48 (early morning)

Well I look on the stock market each day, I look on the corona map each day and I look into basic news. I guess its really going down this year. Interesting nonetheless. The german stock market has lost 5 years progress and is probably still falling. Global stock market is going down as well. Each day hundred of people get infected if not tousands already because the official counters can’t keep up. A perfect ending, don’t you think?

And the strange part is, that it gives me hope. Because what diplomacy couldn’t handle over decades or centuries, one little virus can do.
Whether it was planned or just pure chaos, it really doesn’t matter.
Now is the time to be, now is the time for change.

Maybe not just yet for everyone, maybe not in the way you want it, but maybe exactly like it. It depends on your dreams and wishes. If really noone is save from it, we could have become the chance to be free. It doesn’t matter whether the world is ending or judgement day is coming or whatever. But just looking at the facts, if they should be correct, shows how fragile and stupid our society and our systems are. One little virus can conquer the world, while we are still fighting against each other.

Whatever comes, I am ready for it. Maybe not fully prepared, but ready.
So all of this wasn’t just a coincidence after all. I knew it couldn’t be, but you never know, right? Because everyone thinks something and everyone sometimes thinks what they think is right, when it isn’t, right? And for me this was almost always, even though for myself I still thought these things would be true or at least could be true. But I would never really talk about them because I feared others would think I am stupid or crazy or whatever.

And if you should think I am panicing, it is the opposite, because in a weird way, a wish came true. In some way it was inevitable, but we all know that, I guess. Still there is a chance that not all will end now. It is possible and I won’t say that everything will end just like that. But many things will change for sure. It is important what and who decides and makes the changes in the end. Because it could get better or worse from this point on.

If we would look into the bible, it is clear that it will get worse until the final day. Maybe this will happen now. I am open for everything in some way.
But no matter what you think about Jesus and God, for me it is different from what you hear and heard in the church or in general in many religions and so on. For me it is just a feeling and an understanding without words, thoughts or such. It just is in a weird way, but different from what you might think. For me there are many possibilites and they sometimes aren’t working together, while others could exist in multiple ways.

But despite higher beings, existence and the world ending or not, love should be our main priority now. I mean maybe not in all ways, but just in a general way of caring for eachother. In world end scenarios most people just care for themselves or their families. Sure, it is a basic think for humans to do. But I for my case, as long as I don’t harm other people with my actions, I would probably try to help people, even if they would kill me in the end. Because it doesn’t matter for me. For a long time I just wanted to not exist or that things would end. Now it is possible and now I can actually be who I was before all broken things.

If you can die and you are ready to die (not in a suicidal way), you might die or live, but you can do a lot of things. But if you want to live, you will die eventually because of it. So when I don’t necessarily have to survive I can help others because it won’t matter what would happen to me. This might sound egoistic and it is, I guess. But it would be worse, if I would have ended my life for nothing, than living with being ready to die at any moment. Maybe this is what being ready means. Being able to die, but not having the need to do it fast or because of misery, but because of love, in some way.


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