Day 48 (noon)

Well you know it, but at least it was just a short thing.
It happens, in some way it is normal. The problem is just that I in general don’t feel good with it, while it calms me down because of chemicals.
But the chemicals aren’t worth the psychological pain. So this time I at least just used an image. I know, you don’t want to here about my porn addiction stories, but it is a thing and it is weirder than it seems because I partially hated it, while another part loves it.

It is more a reflex and feels like a deep need in some way.
This is wired inside my head before I even should have known about it.
Before it even made sense. It was always weird and at some point I got used to it. A strange thing. But I know that torturing myself with negative thoughts, don’t help me with this. I also know, that when everything is okay, I simply have no need for it, just like that. So it is in some way an addiction, while it actually might be something else. The actual addiction is more related to the chemicals than porn itself. Some things trigger it and sometimes it just happens naturally.

If it could be just gone, it would be nice. But it is there and I have to continue with my healing process. Sure it will take a long time, but I just started, I would say, meaning, I am willing to work this through and if it should take another half year or more.

The main problem here is, that I see it all from two perspectives and one is male while the other is female. The other problem is, that I would want to get rid of this feeling / need, but it is hard.

Okay enough of negative, let us switch to the universe.

A ride through space and time

So just imagine that the universe or just what is all around us, is energy and matter in some way and waves etc. I mean this is just how it is, but imagine that it would all be everything at the same time and still not.

Okay… So considering this, time travel is not a dream or a wish, it is a thing which is just possible. And with time travel the problem begins, you might think. But actually time travel is no problem at all, when you just take the possibility. The problem is who uses it, of course. And even then, it might not be a problem for you. So just think that at even though you are reading this now, your past YOU and your future YOU, are also living while you live.
So you already did, what you will do tomorrow. You could now say, well than everything is already written. But I would say yes and no.

What does this mean. Look at the universe as a book or maybe a good Netflix series, a big story. The thing is, at some point, something or someone created the book or the story etc. but with the universe it is different, difficult to tell how it really works, while it is actually possible to describe it in simple words. So if you think about the universe as a book for example, then this book is probably sold many times and everyone reads it. Some may throw it in the trash without reading, some after a short time, some just keep reading and reading and it never ends, some just take some cool phrases and leave the rest. And other experience and read it in their ways.
So while in the case of a book, an author wrote it and thought something about it, the readers are all having different stories, images or ideas in their head while reading or just having the book, or not having it.

The author is everything and the whole concept, it is how everything works and was intended. But we are just readers, at least at our current state until we might become the author. Maybe. You see, if you can believe that quantum physics is magic of some sort, you know that things are pretty weird and amazing at the same time. If the time traveller changes the past, present or future. Not everything has to necessarily be different in the end.
If you think in energy, than time travel would just be a transfer of energy from one part into another part of the whole concept.

If you imagine it like a video game, this might be easier.
When you play the game in the background the device you play on processes your values and prints the game on the screen for you and so on.
So if you move from one area to another area the game may has to load new data and your character will be transfered to new surroudings. While in a game it is actually the opposite because the game character usually stays loading, while the world (re-)loads, in reality it would be different, I think. Depending on the construct of it all, so to say.

So when you travel through time your body gets transformed in some way possible to transfer only to get recreated on the other and. Maybe if I explain what everything at the same time means a little bit more, it gets clearer.

The universe might just be a pool of water and something hit the surface.
It takes some time to get stable again, but at some point it is stable again.
But the whole time the pool is filled with water. There is always water. Some water might gets out and new water comes in, but comparing before the change and after it all got stable again is no difference. The difference was that at some point it was unstable.

The universe or just the construct therefor is always active at several layers.
While traveling throgh time with our body might be difficult right now, I believe that some can and already did travel through time with their mind and or soul (in some way they are connected, so probably both).
The travel in this case would be a vision of the future or maybe a dream, maybe even a glitch in the matrix you could say.

In case of energy, travelling from your present self to your past self or future self isn’t that hard because you are just travelling inside of yourself in some way. The energy to travel is lower and you also don’t need to transfer your body, just your soul energy. Therefor it would only be like rewinding a movie, but it isn’t rewinding. The interesting part about this is, if everything would actually be a pool with water, the pool must always be changed. Otherwise nothing would move, right? But if the water would just move in itself, not leaving the pool, just floating around, everything would be stable, but still changing.

So if you can believe that your past self, could recieve a message from you right now, what would it be? In my case, I probably communicated pain back, a lot of pain, which came along the way. Could all just be an illusion or whatever. Imagine if all of this while it has no meaning, would have meaning because of us thinking about it. Like water thinking about being water. If it would just be dead in the pool, without life, it would just be a block of atoms, if it doesn’t move, it rots. So if we move, if we realize that we have to move and that we can change the thing which is stable, while it will stay stable, but still changed, we are the water. We learn to move, while we shouldn’t be able to, should we?

So the past could be changed without affecting the future, at least not really.
But in this scenario, changing the future could change the present and the past. So while I am typing, I could think in the future that typing is a bad idea. So then I would feel bad about typing at some point, maybe for no reason. This would be the energy transfer from the future because at some point I would know, that the typing is not good anymore (- as an example).

Still, if it all is already written, why should we do it?
Well, I think, that while it might be possible to create paradoxons and other time related problems over time, they are all not a problem in itself. The problems only come with the people, with the water. So if the pool stays the same, it doesn’t matter whether one drop of water gets out, while a new one gets in, or maybe it isn’t a new one, but an old one, from a previous round.

So nothing gets lost because everything is in terms of energy neutral in some way. The problem is, that one water atom wants to be next to another one or just somewhere else. Then others want the same and then they all start to move, but without direction. This could cause chaos in the pool, but if the pool water would be going back again at some point, no water gets lost, it only moves inside the pool, more or less strong. So would be momentum a thing to consider about time travel? Probably.

Back to the book and the different ways to read it. While at the moment we all read it in some way, we might read it in a different way next week if at all. And then if we would be able to rewrite the book, we would write it in a different way, only to come back later to rewrite it again, or maybe something or someone else. Depending on what you consider as “us”. “Us” all life forms existing, or “us” as humans for example.

The side effect of time travel is, that some things change, while not all things have to change and sometimes the mind is not affected by it because it might be used to travelling or just has a different connection to the construct, knowing that it is irrelevant to think in times or about time, while time sure is something which is in some way.

What I am telling is, that even though everything might already has been, it doesn’t have to be there the same way all the time. So while we are living in one way, there could be a parallel universe doing the opposite. This is one part of the construct because it has to be everything possible at the same time, to be whole and neutral in the end. But the neutrality can differ over time. What was 1 can be 0 and 0 can be 1 and what was evil could be good and good be evil. But in the end the energies would be equal. If you win a fight, you won because your energy was meant to win, but it also could have been the other one who would win the next time. The question is, is the number of parallel universes finite in some way or is it infinite?

I would say, this question is easy to answer, while I am not able to answer it.
The number of parallel universes is the number of very particle, energy and whatsover as the power of the states these things can be in. So a number beyond our imagination, called infinity.

Okay so what is the point of it all?
Did you ever watch a movie twice or three times? Read a book multiple times? No? Well, then this might be hard to understand for you.
If you should have read or watched or listen to a song several times for example, we can start there.

Why did you watch it twice? Listen to it multiple times?
Wasn’t it over after the first time? I mean, you won’t get something new from it, at least not from the actual thing. You might get different thoughts and feelings over time, but the music will stay the same (if no one changes it in the meantime :D), so why should you listen to it? We just do it because of the feelings, the thoughts, the adventure, because we forget or just enjoy it.
So why should we rewrite the laws of our own existence?

Maybe for the same reasons. Until everything changed everything at least once. So while you aren’t rich, famous or happy right now, you will be at some point or next time. Maybe this is the only time you feel this way because it had to be this way. But then who am I? Maybe I am a messenger this time, maybe more. Or I am just a dreamer, thinking I got more, while I am just one of many. The thoughts and feelings I have about this are beyond what I can write, so this is just a fraction of it. But I am trying to get it out more and more over time.

What keeps me going is the writing, just that I am doing it, makes me continue. I probably want this to happen this time.
The only problem we have with the pool is, can water create itself?
With the pool example, the water would have been there all the time, just in different positions. The pool example sure has it’s flaws, I know.
But if it is not about water in a pool, but just energy, than energy doesn’t have to create itself because it always is and was. But sometimes this collection of energy shapes the other, and then it is the other way around. Therefor energy, shapes energy, but the energy itself is always, was always and will always be.

Then there is one final question for this “session”.
If everything is possible, what is with the state in which everything is gone and there is just nothing at all? Is this even possible? And on the other hand, there must be a state in which there would be everything, right?
So just a stablized blob of energy, doing nothing at all.
Well, I guess this is a tricky question because it is not answerable at the moment, not by me. I can just say, that these states can never be reached, but they are possible. And with never, I don’t mean literal never, but in relativity to the possibilities it is 1:infitiny. And probably the state of neutrality and nothing, is the same in the end because nothing is neutral as well. So it would just be one state after all, maybe only described or expressed in different ways.

If this one state out of all would be reached, everything would stop.
Because there wouldn’t be any momentum, any movement, just ulimative balance and neutrality. So if we would reach this point after an unimaginably long time, everything would end. But on the other hand, this probably won’t happen because so many things are moving and we can rewrite it all in the end, over and over again. So it is a never ending story, with an optional end, probably unreachable and unwanted.
If you would be able to stop it all, would you do it?
What for? Nothing would happen, so why stopping it, if you could rewrite it to be beautiful instead?


Wow, that was a lot. I hope your brain didn’t melt or something along the ride. Or maybe you just think this all is old and boring because so many people already thought about such things. I know, that I am not the first one, but it doesn’t matter, because not everyone thinks this way. So I might not be the first, but one of a few compared to all beings. Maybe I am wrong, but it is and if you think it is interesting, thank you. 🙂