Day 35 (first hours)

I just had a very positive thought about my possible purpose in the world.
I forgot about it, but as soon as I started writing this, I got it again.
It was, that I thought, maybe all I am going through, is not mine, not all of it.
Maybe I feel and experience what many other people around me or in the world feel. So that maybe I just recieve their emotions, feelings, dreams and so on. To understand them, to understand myself and everything yet again.

This would mean, that I maybe could actually connect to other people willingly and not just think that it must be possible. But for me recieving was always easier and natural because this is what no one can change. They can only interfere with what you are able to recieve through your body (eyes, ears, etc.), but not how you think about the things and feel about them. This is what they can try to change, but you yourself always have the control panel in your hands.

So if maybe things I recieve and feel aren’t always my own, maybe I could even consume bad feelings and produce good feelings. This would explain how around me, people seemed to feel better. Only when I gave up or actively spread hate or anger and such things, it felt pretty bad. Many school classes I have been very special in some way. Even the group in the clinic I was, has been a very special group. Some of the workers there even cried and we cried when the time there was over. The group before was pretty bad and many weren’t as easy as our group. We sure weren’t perfect, but almost made no problems and even cheered up ourselves and some of the workers. I sure wasn’t the only one who was responsible for this, but I also played a big role in this. I spent time with different people, even with a girl who no one liked. Sadly she ran away because of this soon after and I couldn’t be nice to all people because there is always this thing against someone… I was also telling some things I shouldn’t have said. But I had power because I could just talk with anyone and anyone would walk with me. The weakest and the strongest. I was always able to talk with them, or just be with them.

So maybe my presence did help to remove some pain. Not all and I sure wasn’t alone. There were many floors and group in the building. But after all, I might really played a big role. In my group were also other people like me, I would say. Thinking about the words about prayer “Where two or three come together in my name” (I hope this is a correct phrase, if not I am sorry). It is just about love and peace and few can make big things.

Therefor, I might be able to get even higher power, but not for myself. For my own, I won’t get any power because this would go against everything. Maybe if there would be a situation this power will be there. Whether it is just explainable or even super natural. I don’t need such things, but I believe that these things are indeed possible. Some use it for evil, some for good. Sometimes it might be supported by other things, beyond a person using it, I believe that these powers always go beyond one single human.

If many computers together can make great things, one can’t do, why shouldn’t humans be able to? For example sharing the mind with others could create a small super brain. So if one alone might see a fraction, together they might see all or at least a bigger fraction. For example, if compared with Jesus, his twelve disciples were more than just trusted followers, but maybe together with him, they were able to all these great things. Call it Gods power, the universe. It all is connected in some way.

This might sounds like blasphemy or me telling you, that God doesn’t exist, but it is way more complicated and beautiful than that. As I wrote before, multiple things might be true at the same time, but in a different way. A christ can’t be a buddist, and a buddist can’t be a shaman and so on. But they all share something, they believe in something, as well as scientists.

And sometimes you can back things, sometimes not. In the end they share more than they think, but as soon as you start sorting people out or go against others, it is wrong. Therefor no religion is right, while everything has a truth or value. Even the evil ones, but this doesn’t mean that it is good to be evil. You could argue that in the end it is not important, but I don’t believe that, because there is no need to be evil, if you see everything. It simply isn’t there, so why should evil be good? It is difficult, it sure is.

It is easy to say, only do good things, but then how many bad things happened because of our own actions, often even willigly? Even if we are tending to be good. Not all people of course, but some. But it is one thing to say: “I ignore other people and only live my life.” or “I can’t feel good when others still suffer.” Both is not right, nor completely wrong. But the middle way is also not good all the time, just avoiding a decision. So in my case, I know there is value in just suffering because others suffer or I suffer because of other people.

Still we sometimes have to go through things, as weird as it sounds, but we also don’t have to suffer all the time. If instead of suffering because of others, we say we have to make us feel better to help them. You could say, this is the middle way, but the middle way actually would be “I care for myself and when I think helping is a good idea, I will do it. But not all the time” or something like that. But while I can’t go to one extreme all the time, there should be a decision to one and the positive one, should be preffered, while it isn’t always clear what the positive decision is for some. Also people are different, think differently and feel in a different way. So while I mean ‘this’, you may understand ‘that’.

If I am not “whole” I am just unstable and either hyper active (too optimistic, but at least doing something good) or deeply depressed at worst suicidal (too pessimistic). I now have several explainations for this behaviour and also several solutions, from with suicide is not a solution, of course. It is just an option, when I am in a pessimistic mindset again. Otherwise I don’t have the need for it because I know that my existence actually is a good thing, after all.

The current situation is slowly getting better and I can tell the forest helped alot. Like mountains big. Nature in general. Just walking outside didn’t really help, but the abscene from other humans, technology (as far as possible) and the presence of many other living things surrounding me, is a very good thing. Trees won’t hurt you, only if you hurt them and not even then, but maybe watch out in a storm. I am just saying. While trees shielded me in storms, others might get hit by them. But this doesn’t mean that people who get hit by trees deserve it. Most of the time this is not the case.

Okay, focus back on nature. For example if you consider connection between human minds, you should also consider connection of “minds” in general. Whatever a mind is in relation. Even a fly has a mind, but it is way smaller than hours, still it thinks in some way or could be interacted with. I am not sure what would happen, when you connect with a fly or a swarm of flys, but maybe you could control them. I am just saying.

In other words, the forest, the trees and just all plants, can interact with you and you with them. Some would experience it in a shamanic way or even call themselves nature magicians or shamans or things like that. And while maybe one single flower has not much to tell, what could a whole forest teach you or give you? Imagine, you could use trees to think, like you could use many bot systems to process data for you, while you own computer just manages them. If your mind could conntect to a whole forest and the forest with you, there is a almost limitless power. While a tree might not have a mind like humans or other animals, they also share information with oneanother and even other plants. They have no need to talk or see because it is not important for them. They just feel, connect, think and live in another world. If you cut a tree, you kill a live in many ways. So it is important to know, why you are doing it. If you kill the tree because you just want to have a cool table, this is not good. But if you need shelter because otherwise you would freeze, it is another thing. I can’t speak for the trees, but maybe the tree you are cutting could actually survive, even though you cut it. Because call me wrong, but isn’t the tree mind actually undergroud for the most part? So if you just cut the thing we call tree, the upper thing facing into the sky, you just kill the thing which gives the mind light and an air processor and also the ability to spread to create new trees.

But if the tree is not alone and you don’t cut many trees in one place, the other trees might support this one tree, now only a stumb. And sometimes it might even grow something itself. Just if you cut too deep or dig out and cut everything, the tree is dead completely. Some trees also die because of sickness or bugs and such things or weather, like lightning and heavy snow.
So you could cut trees without feeling too bad, if you consider it not as everything and if you don’t plan to destroy the forest or cut too many. Therefor nature wouldn’t kill you. You have to understand this principle of sacrifice and giving. While you might cut some trees to survive, the trees will be cared of and defended by you against others who won’t understand this. And if there would be enough forest, and people willing to live in them, it wouldn’t be a problem to cut some trees. Also we could use other things, like dirt and stones to build homes, like in the early times. But not just caves or cold places, we could also use some technology. But there has to be a balance.

More technology, needs more nature and not the other way around. Technology without nature or interacting with nature in a positive way, is destroying it. Even if it helps us. This is not against technology, we need it, we should push it for good, but also nature to make it equal. If nature could be based or created through things like wood, air and such things, (in other words atoms), we wouldn’t need to harvest metals and things like we do now. Imagine a machine which could convert wood or dirt atoms into any material we would need. In other words, removing or adding protons, neutrons, electrons, quarks, etc. and then save these elementary particles somewhere to create things when needed. I am not the first, of course I am not. But it is way too few and too small in the world. If we would start helping people in countries in need, also nature with planting trees and in general plants, we could also focus on changing our view on resources.

I mean, we all know that atoms are made out of energy and that some even change their form when interacting with others and so on. So we know, that not all atoms are solid and only in their pure form existing. Some even not exist naturally at all, some might not even possible or found yet. If you think about it without current know limits, the only logical thing would be, that we would convert shit (like literally) and other garbage (literally) into useful resources. Because all is made out of atoms and energy particles or am I wrong? The only problem is that it is not yet possible to do that. So why not try to? It is not about, how much energy it would need or how much money it would cost us from our current situation. It is about, would it be logical, would it be possible and would it be the way? And if you can say yes to all of them, then why are we still wasting time with things like coal, toilets and hunger? Don’t get it wrong, I am talking about eliminating problems by turning problems into solutions.

If you would go take a shit (if in the end this would even be necessary), you could say: “Yeah, I am refilling my batteries” or something like that. And if you would need water, you could just get fresh water. Sure minerals would also be needed, but therefor is nature. You see, technology combined with nature is the key. But instead we destroy nature most of the time, to push technology, profit and comfort, while actual comfort may lays in the cooperation with nature. Sometimes when I got to the toilet and flesh it with water, I think, why is it normal to use water for this? Wouldn’t it be more logical to use something else, like vacuum or just another way at all? We lack drinking water, but flush it down together with shit and other things only that we have to clean it again later.

This takes time, costs money, uses a lot of pipes and space and creates problems and in the end might even cause more problems if there should go something wrong at one part of the chain. Just two years ago, in the area where I live there was an incident during construction works, where fresh water got mixed with dirty water. So you could have gotten “fresh” toilet instead of water. And that in these so modern times… I mean people used water toilets for over 100 years now. Of course not everywhere and in some places they still don’t have water toilets to this day. But shouldn’t it be considered as pretty old and not good anymore? But almost no one seems to care.

It is normal to use toilets with water in the western world, and well the others have to dig holes or go to the river or whatever. It is normal, but how? For me this is just so wrong.

It sometimes feels like shitting on someone elses life, when I go to the toilet because the water I need to flesh it, could save a life in Africa for example.
I know, you probably think, how deep can a walk to the toilet be thought about, but well, you didn’t ask me or knew me.

__ Thoughts about nature, toilets, technology and solving major problems __


While I was writing, I watched Gronkh’s Friday livestream and I am still watching it. I actually just listened to the sound of the voice because I didn’t really watch or focus on what he was talking about. I just know it is about a horror game with ghosts and people who died and a mystery. And that the people in it are writing alot into diaries. 😀

Okay, but yeah I think it also affected this writing in some way, while the content almost has nothing to do with it.


Stay save and if writing is wrong, then why are we doing it?
If killing is wrong, then why are we doing it?
Killing is wrong, writing is not. But writing can be wrong and killing necessary. It depends, but the negative side is never good. Killing is never good, but if let’s say you kill a rabbit to survive in the wilderness, who would blame you? And also if you would write, a book against a group of people, who would say this is good (except supporters of your believe or people who just do what most do)?

The power of words can be used for good or bad or just not at all, to sell your soul, to sell a truck. Is it possible that a monkey can write a poem or just a sentence at all? Only if there is something else and not pure randomness.

__ End of transmission __

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