Day 31 (till late night)

I am still here, but this morning man… I was pretty down until evening.
At least some things are done now. The computers got taken by the family and someone else helped my mother to get most of the things out of my flat, where I was when I was working. Still some things to take care of and especially myself. But hey, I am still here. It is painful, but we are not alone, even if no one seems to care. In my case, many people care, but they all can’t help me. But at least I have this and a good friend who helped me a lot by just reading what I wrote. “I hope to be around”, to love you all. And I would just want to be there with every single one of you.

*Makes my eyes wet again*

Stay with me guys. We have to fight the hardest battles and often we don’t know anymore that we do because we just want to finally end it all. But we didn’t do it yet, but some people did and I also was at this point several times and just in early December, I almost ended my life. But I couldn’t let my friend down, couldn’t do this to him, after all what he did for me (most of the time just reading and spending time with me). All what I needed.

Maybe I could get some better help, but for me it was the best help and the only help so far. Thank you again, dear friend. And I am sorry for giving you a hard time through all what I wrote the past half year. It helped alot.

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