Day 31 (morning)

I believe that love may can’t heal all wounds just like that, but many over time. And that real love and care for each other is the most valueable cure. Still sometimes it isn’t enough because all love can’t get a spear out of someones stomach, but it could help to survive and not die because of it.
And with love the other wounds and damage can heal as well together with medicine or the power of the universe (maybe). I believe that Jesus existed and that he actually did what was written. And if we all could be like him in some way, than well, we wouldn’t need to worry about medication or hunger because we could cure it all. But not because of Christianity, but because it was like a scifi story for me. And actually many scifi stories have similar ideas. So maybe there is more too it. The perspective / view makes the difference on what is possible and what isn’t. But yeah, I am just a crazy one writing, who should believe anything.

(He is just writing nonsense because he is crazy)
(He probably should take some pills.)

My gut feeling just tells me, that I shouldn’t head out for mental health again, but that I also can’t stay where I am right now. So I might have to move somewhere else and also continue on writing my book and poems and music. But of course from a doctors perspective, this is just an illusion and actually can’t be good. (Just trying to explain the problem between doctors and me). I trust good scientists and doctors in general any good person, who wants to do the best possible. But most of the time I didn’t encounter them and if so, then they couldn’t help either.
I know that I can’t fly, can’t have super powers from a conservative or normal scientific approach, of course I know that. Well flying is a little too much I guess, but I mean super powers… come on, some people just have them and some even hate them. No matter why they have them, okay. But there are things beyond what most people accept as possible or existing. Scifi authors know that or at least think about it. And well some people actually live it. But still it is impossible, according to science. So then okay… okay I might just making it all up, while others can say it… I can’t… I am wrong. Okay, I get it. But for whom are you speaking, for yourself or the systems we believe in? Not everyone can be right about everything, but at least letting them try, to first do something maybe strange or not right at all, while it is not harming anyone, to let them find something pretty exciting which could actually really help and be investigated by science, might be a really good thing. But then they used to say, it can’t be real. We are just water bags with flesh… or something like that. No we aren’t, we are more than that, but we act like it, so because most do behave like water bags, it doesn’t mean we are water bags… but this is how they teach us, am I wrong? (It isn’t about water bags, but so called facts, which aren’t facts in a way, that they are finite. They could be changed at any point, but till then you have to accept it as true and only that is true) or what?

Well I got hit by a bad song, but well I don’t add it here because it is not okay. It actually just was what I hate for the most part and also only a minute long.

And about bipolar, I always thought that sometimes I just have adrenaline in my body, but never had prove. But it perfectly fits with bipolar and that when I am down it is not enough. So yeah medication could probably help, but only that, nothing more. As I said, I won’t get it like this, I don’t think so.

The one who suffers but hides, and does great work, is a genius.
The one who suffers and doesn’t hide, is just a broken one.


For The last gift:

John 8:44-47
“You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don’t you believe me? Whoever belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God.”

Luke 8:47
“Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed.”


Well, this one was heavy. But as a last gift, it might explain, how divided all of this is. And I shouldn’t continue. I should stop this now. A month, not more. Maybe till later, maybe no more. But I don’t think this is any help.
Only for those who want to put me into a box and I already put myself into it. I made all the work. Just close it and leave it, never to be opened again.

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