Day 27 (late night)

Now I have sucessfully installed Manjaro and now the dual boot actually works, before I forgot about the UEFI / EFI partition thing. And all still works. Later I will try out some stuff with games etc. But I guess I will probably have to redo it some time later because I don’t have much disk space for Linux atm. But now I know that it works.

(Finishing the last Schubert Symphony because I had to stop it for installation and disk coping)

I knew I have heard this voice before, when I heard the first Asaf Avidan song. Man… Dark had it all. I just didn’t really hear all the words. The music alone was powerful, the melody.

Beautiful and sad deep down to the soul

The love hurts so much, but I want more. This love, this hurting is good because it hurts out of truth. If only I could ease the sorrow, could take all pain away, but I am just a single soul, not much at all, without any power.
But something wants to give me power, from the good side I can tell. I am not ready for it, am I? The time is running out… Will a student be the master, when there is no time to practice? A master will always be a student, only that he teachs as well. If the master doesn’t stay a student, he won’t be a master, not long, maybe never. But I am just the least of me, not even what I did with my mask. I am just a burden most of the time, how should I do what others can’t, how should I do what others with experience and strength didn’t do or couldn’t at last? What even is it, that I shall do? I can’t tell, not really, but I feel it and it is big. I fear it, not in fear we know, but with great respect, fearing its power. And it is a good one. I just don’t think I am the one, I would only make it wrong maybe fall for the evil at last and do the opposite of what I should, of what it all might be. I don’t want to make it fall, just because I think I could do it because I can’t, this is too much for one to handle. I have nothing to compare to it from what I can offer. So I can only hope, that it is someone else or that I will learn in time. Right now, I have more than I ever had, at least that I now understand what I had, but also less than ever, I only have my soul, my negative, my positve and all what was and is right now. And I have not much control over it, while I feel more control than ever, because it works, but not from my hand and it is good as it is. I just feel bad because it might all be a dream, a daydream, a believe without a real thing. All just lies or wishes, just dreams and crazy thoughts, for a better world, for a better me, I will never see, I fear, I guess.

If I would be the greater me, the greater us, I would probably think, “Why isn’t this enough? I showed you all you needed, all you could handle. Why do you need more?”. But I just can’t be sure because even that I think I am not alone, doesn’t mean that it is real. Only when we see as many, when we see not alone, we believe, because it could all be, just in our head.
So sad, so sad, why does it have to be like that.