Day 25 (first hours)

Finally. This is the kind of speech you want to hear. 😀

Just imagine a wall. Then you just walk towards it and it just opens up or you just walk through it. This is what I feel when I am in the forest walking without a light. Didn’t you wounder about all these movies, and for example Stranger things? From a rational perspective it all is fiction, not possible, not real. But then you hear about actual science or secret projects during cold war. So it isn’t just fiction people, not all is just fiction. Just feel what is right and wrong. I think, we are at a point where we can wake up and understand what a man 2000 years ago had to say. The process was needed, but I bet it took us longer than he thought. And then it is relative because there is no time limit. If you feel something strange, but it is good, why not look into it? And if it is bad, well you should maybe look into it as well, but don’t get lost in it. It is all just feeling and wisdom in some way. Maybe the universe starts again, if we figure out the puzzle, maybe it is how the bible tells us. I am not here to talk about christianity. We all know, that it was more like insanity and is to this day. But then there are christians, there are muslims, there are people from all around the world. And they know, there is more, there is something beautiful. But our traditions, our cultures and thoughts apparently, the thoughts which aren’t ours, they make it all look weird and we create rules and habits… For what? Because it has been like this for a long time. When I say, I am against religion, this doesn’t mean that you go out there like the communists, the nazis, the whatever crazy movement, you name it. No. We are all humans. And one christian sees, one hindu sees, one who believes in the devil, sees. They all see something different and it isn’t all the same. But it is something which can unite or divide, but should only divide because if we see all of it, we just know it is right and we just want to be a part of it, no wars, no hate, not fighting. But if the one who believes in some demonic or evil thing, thinks it is right to do so, they just see the dark side and still more than most of us. If you believe in physics, you can believe in something like God or the devil. Positive and negative energy. Not always beings, not always something above or below, something inside of us and maybe as well somewhere else, who knows. But energy is energy and we all can understand it in some way. We just have to understand that we want the positive energy and that the more negative we feel, the more positive awaits us, like in physics. So if you believe in science, you believe in God, you believe in everything, but only if you really do and not divide, but unite. And not in religion, but in love and through true feelings. Feel and then think. Not the other way around. We always think first and then we feel or might not even feel anymore, not feel at all. If we feel and follow the feeling, we will think differently and think even more logically than before, when we think we do. Only if you lie or pretend, you will end up in misery, but if you are in it right now, you might be the ones to tell the truth tomorrow, to see who you really are, to make the world a little better. If you think, you don’t think at all. First feel, than think. And if you can’t feel right now. You will, trust me. At somepoint I will be there with you. Wait for me. We will feel together. I am just a little soul, maybe I will be only a short time on this earth, maybe I am forever somewhere. I can’t tell you that all of this is right, this is not what is within my power, not now so to say. Maybe one day, maybe never. I hope you will understand, you will feel, with or without me. I hope there is hope, in the forest I feel it. Thank you! Thank you for reading. It means a lot. For me and for you.

So pure, so magnificent.

We are all in it together, we all want to live, but some people just live on the cost of others and they might never regret it. Everyone can change, but they have to really feel sorry. Words mean nothing. We only use them because we don’t know anymore, how to communite differently.

I see something good in everything.
If the devil would ask me: “Can you forgive me?”
And I would feel, that it isn’t just a trick, I would say: “I can, but I can’t speak for God, ask him.” But then the devil might say: “He said that I will burn in the everlasting fire, so there is not forgiveness.” And I: “Who said, the book has to end this way? It was what was true when it was written, maybe there is a chance to make it better, maybe we can all be better.” But the devil says: “You are just a little sheep, you know nothing, you not even know what I know, how should you be able to speak for God or even as if you could be one with him?”

I am just a single soul. I am just here and I love you all.

If you take everything as given, what is the point of living? All is already there, so why even try to. But there isn’t so, why do we say it is?
When the bible is how the world will end, then the world will end this way.
Who am I to say it is different. But then who was Jesus? Who were all the people who thought differently, felt different? We call them names, we call them with labels, but did we know them, know who they really were? Some were worse, some were better than we think, some were more interesting, than anyone before them. Who am I to say a single word? What I am doing here, might be my end, but then at least I said, what I had to say. If I die anyways, why not with a smile? Without unspoken words. Better sorry, than sorry for nothing. And if I am wrong, I just wanted the best. For you and all of us.

The last days I wrote some heavy tobac. I just hope it wasn’t wrong.
For me it isn’t, for me it feels right, but I know many won’t understand. Even I not always can, not yet. Would I know everything already, why should I be here, writing with you? Or would I? Wouldn’t I just change everything for the better? If I myself would know it all, I would probably die because I couldn’t handle it. We have to do it together, we can’t process it alone, we try to, but we aren’t made for it, are we? At least we aren’t ready yet, not ready to use its full potential. Maybe one day, until then, do what you love, what you really love, not what you think. What your soul tells you. If you don’t hear anything, don’t feel anything, I am here. We will figure this one out.

(What am I doing? What am I, who am I? Is it me or are you already a part of me? Are we already one, do you feel the world?)

It is not just one thing, it may be all of it. One they we will know for sure, we all will see, will feel, will hear, will be.

From us to us, from me to you, from us to ourselves. We know what we know, but have to know it is what it is and more than we thought.

12th episode 13 reason why, tears again.
This is bigger, it is bigger than I thought. And people change, they do, they can, but only if we let them. I changed several times until I found back to what I truly was, a soul, on a mission. I was a monster in between. Don’t say I wasn’t, I was. But now I am not, at least not when I am writing here. Not when I am in the forest, not when I make music. And still there is a monster, the monster I was and it doesn’t want to go. Maybe I can forgive myself, maybe I can forgive the devil. I need time and the forest gives me, now I have time. All the time I ever needed. The love and the good things I couldn’t see. Consequences have to be faced, but we can love or hate or just ignore or accept, but ignorance can be hate and acceptance can be love. And everything can mix together, but true love is just when all is good, even when there are bad things. It sure is complicated, the more complex a thing is, the more beauty it can have, the more power within. Mysterious, beautiful and individual, while one with everything.

Last episode of the second season. I hope I am ready for it.
I have mixed feelings. It is all a little too much, but I have to do it. I just have to, I waited so long. I feared so long and now I don’t fear anymore, at least not when it comes to writing here, to what I think and feel. I only fear to be wrong and you show me that I am not alone and that not all of it is wrong, maybe nothing. But who am I… You know, I don’t, maybe I do, but I am not sure about it. It is too strange, I first have to bring to reality, what I wrote, maybe then we will see, will I be sure about it. When I have enough time for it, when my believe is strong enough. It is not what you think, because I believe in myself, but still don’t know for sure whether it is right or wrong.

I hope I can do what I write, I hope and want to be one of a few. Maybe I am, but even if I am not one of them, I am still with you. Even if my time should come sooner than it should be. I want to go, but I also want to stay, I want to stay for you, but go for me. If I should be wrong, I am sorry.

And if I should be gone already, when you read this, who every you might be. I am with you, if you want. And I hope it gives you strenght, all of us, all of the weak, the lost ones, the ones who see how fucked up the world is, the life they present us to be the only one.

People, don’t let the dream die, for each of us who dies, who died, we cry, we weep. These sorrows, the marks and pain are deep. If it would be easy, for what would we be righting for? If it would be easy, we would be on the wrong side, while everyone has a problem. Not everyone knows. Those who know, they know more than they think. We shouldn’t stay in pain, but we need it and we need time. Some need more, some need less. Don’t force it, follow your heart, the good things which are inside of you, in all of us. No one is just bad or good. But some think, they are better. We aren’t better. We are perfect together.

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