Day 11 (late night)

I wrote a couple of days ago, that I won’t be able to write this often in the future, but now I am asking myself, why shouldn’t I have time?
It is what makes me happy and free. It gives me hope and power.
Even if all of it is just a mixture of words without a real meaning, as I said, you can see a meaning in it and I do, be sure. But still I say it because it is so strange and unbelieveable. These days things which aren’t possible are possible, what you can’t believe is true. So we will see.

I am more than just my words and my words are more than just letters on a screen. But only if you want to.

I don’t have to tell you everything, to make you feel sorry for me, I don’t have to tell you anything to make you think I am a freak, I don’t have to say a word, but I do it anyways. But I don’t want you to feel sorry or think I am a freak. But if you do, that is your opinion. I can’t change it, can I?

Maybe I already changed it, maybe I never will. As you might have noticed, I am not always writing to you, but everyone and just myself. So sometimes you may find the words not fitting you, while others could touch your heart, the soul which screams for help or and end. Maybe something else.

So only take what you need, not what isn’t meant for you. I don’t want to hurt you, no matter who you are. I only want to write, what I am writing and if it hurts you, be sure I didn’t want to hurt you. Only to show you my world, our world in another light, many lights and possibilities, not just a single one.

Holy shit, this last one made me wanny cry out loud and long again.
But my head just started to hurt as if a knife would stick in it.
No tears came out, but it got stronger and stronger, the pain of uncried tears. Oh man how wounderful these tears are. Even without a single tear and a big headache, I can smile and enjoy the moment. Thank you!


(Some hours later)

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