Day 9 (afternoon)

These TED talks man… always good for suprises and motivation.
Where have they been when I was younger?
I mean I had no internet and so on, sure thing. But I mean, why aren’t we watching TED talks in schools? They are most of the time teaching more than many teachers in a year. So inspiring and so much motivation, love and interest. Stories which can make you cry. The last one almost made me cry and I still have water in my eyes.

Maybe there is a school somewhere or a group / club in a school which alraedy watches some TED talks together or even do their own little “TED talk” thing. This is so much better, than what we learn in school and also often more up to date (even if it is some years old).

This said, our schools have a purpose, but most of the time the purpose is just to get some job. Why can’t we make a school based on what people actually want? Some want a job and in fact many would probably want a job, but not a job you would think about. Many would do something on their own maybe or work with others in a group. But all we got taught is: “Good grades and good jobs” Whatever this means, for the one who says it.

I guess todays message couldn’t be clearer for me.
A lined up in a perfect order, without my interference.
How beautiful these things are and we can’t really explain them.
But if we try to, others won’t understand because it would go into a direction many don’t want to think about. Maybe they would want, but fear it or something else too much. When I heard “You have to fear God more than anyone or anything else”, it just felt so wrong because for me God was love or at least the image of Jesus I always had. Peace, love, freedom and understanding of what people really need and feel. This was my Jesus, my God and while I heard things like fear connected to this, I distanced myself from it. Also because of other things like strange man made laws and restrictions. But Jesus wasn’t like this, he was the opposite. So what “fearing God” or the higher being (you name it) should actually mean “trust God no matter what”. Because fear will only make things worse. And for trusting God now feels like trusting myself, not that I am God, no, but I feel something bigger being present all around us (in a good way).

And if you are open to things, we can’t explain yet or maybe won’t explain ever or just in a long time – (Not just say something about it because we think we know, but actually understanding things from top to bottom) – you can see so many possibilities on how everything works, it is just amazing. There is always another option, a better one. Don’t choose the thing which kills something, either inside you, outside you or in general. When something will probably die because of your decision, ask yourself, is it the only way? Is there maybe a better way? Just ask for it, feel for it, if you can. And if you trust in it for real, it will reveal itself to you at some point. Probably sooner than you might think. But yes, action is required, so you can’t just wait for it to happen. But you also can’t force it to come to you, it will if you do your part. And if your part means, quitting your job or travelling to another country, than do it, if it feels right to you. Not the logical part of you, but the heart, the gut, the soul, has to be okay with it. The rest will come with it and the logical part has to surrender at some point, to learn new ways, which might make it even more logical in another way (as if logic can be more logical, but I think you understand).

Just got me some more water in my eyes again.
Everywhere are people who are real, who feel or want to, to feel better or just share what others feel and they feel for them. One family without knowing eachother all the time or forever.

Man and now I almost start weeping again.
The feelings man, the feelings overwhelm me. And it is good.

I wish I could cry for some hours now (well if I would have nough water to weep this long), just to get the relief I could need right now.
And the music is really helping, man it is more than medicine, it is like a life liquid, a potion for life. Not always, but in the right order, with the right dose. And man I am telling you, I don’t really have much control over it. I am just getting some videos and all I do is maybe decide which I chose first, but not even that is much of my control. I can’t know what awaits most of the time. And if it makes sense in the end it is even more amazing because I couldn’t have choosen it better. (I know it seems strange, just let it be, okay?)

I sure didn’t get this one recommended, but sometimes I also go into the comment section and look what other people do and well, they do something, sometimes. Some of it is interesting, sometimes cheese, but they are humans as we are and everything is important in some way. Only because something has many view, doesn’t mean it is good, something with just a hand full of views could be a master piece, no one found yet or understood so far. In the end it doesn’t matter whether it is good or bad, but something happened, something changed, in you, in me or someone else, the one who created it, what else I didn’t think about right now.


Whatever you think about me, it doesn’t matter if it is bad.
Only if you feel good about it in some way, think something positive about me, it matters for me. If you think bad about me, it also matters in some way, but for me it is not important because I like you anyways. Maybe not what you do all the time, maybe not everything, but you as a soul are like me. Unique in some way, maybe not from the outside, maybe you don’t feel from the inside unique, but you don’t have to like me, to be something else, more powerful than just someone who thinks bad about other people because they feels bad inside. And sorry for making grammar errors or such things, but when you get the message in a positive way, you understood anyways, so why are the mistakes important? Is it important that everyone speaks a language like the best speaker in the world? It is not important, as long as the message gets where it should get.

This blog has no real meaning until you see it, until you feel it.
I sure do, but can you see it as well? For you it might not be here at all.
Somewhere else, I have never been. And this might be your path, not mine. But if you found it, you will understand, what this is all about. And hopefully I could help in some way. If not, well I changed something for sure and I hope from my heart, that it is for the better. 🙂
Life is easy, just breath, feel, eat and do what you want (what you really want deep down – your soul). I just have to figure that one out for myself in the real world. In my mind I have everything, as I said. In my mind I always had answers to questions I might didn’t even ask for. Not in a normal way, like “What is 55 x 1,353.682?” No I don’t know this answer right away. It is more about the important things in life. But I blocked them for far too long and disformed them into strange mazes and blurred pictures because I thought they were wrong. I didn’t see them in the real world, so they couldn’t be true, not real. Boy, was I wrong. But often it seems this way, just know, the world is not how it seems (in many different ways and from different views and perspectives). So it is not just like this or that. It is many things at once, but most importantly, what you want it to be. Of course not just like that “I want it to be peaceful” and then it would be peaceful. No, it is not like that, not a machine for wishes. But like God, is no machine for wishes, if your intention and heart is true and what you want is good, not just for yourself, he will help you. So if you do your part, the wish will come true, but you won’t be alone. And while world peace is a taugh one, start with little things, you can actually change. In your daily life, in your social life, school, work, friends and family. Things which don’t feel right, but you or others have an idea of what to change, or at least what might be better.
I had to make some strange decisions for myself and now I will see how it goes, but I had to do it, otherwise I might have died (not just inside again).

And well, I have most of the Warframe quests finished now. Only one open I can finish maybe today and then I think two I need some things to do before I can start them. I got a free Warframe slot for my Nightwave progress, I got up in rank after failing a lot. I finished some quests I couldn’t finish for weeks. All just in the last week. I also got some items I wanted and it is just so amazing to be around here.

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