Day 9 (late night)

Now the damage is done or the first the to freedom?
I have to do it this way, otherwise I won’t be happy, I won’t survive.
For me a degree was never important, just new knowledge, nice people and creating new things. Sometimes useful, sometimes just for fun. But doing something, to do not nothing. And in the end all has some kind of purpose, leads to something more and in the end gives you more power.

The little things, the little things. And sometimes there is a big one, to make little things possible again. Without love, everything is without reason, without meaning, without color. So love is in many things, can be interpreted in many ways, but for me love is life and life is love, more than anything else. Love can hurt, so does life. But love gives hope and life should have hope. Without we are all dead. Love is not just a stereotypical way: “To fall in love with someone”, but also a good friendship, a healthy and happy life has love as well (real healthy and happy, not just pretended or forced).

Do I want to hurt people? No, I don’t want to hurt people. I want to help people. Why is it, that I hurt people? Well I have a damaged self. And like a radioactive object, it is not just “damaging” itself, but everyone around. But would this radioaction instead be used for something good, well it can do great things (no comparing with old still used atomic energy usage, please).
Atomic energy is indeed powerful, but we shouldn’t use it in the way we used it in the past, but instead in a way, it produces no waste, or if waste, than only waste which would either be harmless, just a small amount compared to what we have now and maybe even useful for something else. Like a human body in a grave. When our times has come and we were put into a grave, the body gets transformed into dirt, into earth. So it continues, we give something back, to the planet which let us live. (If you aren’t into graves, well okay then, it is just my perspective)

I personally would just want a grass grave or a forest grave or something, without anything but nature itself. Maybe not even a coffin, but I guess this isn’t allowed around here. Well at least the least necessary because for me the body is something you should care about when it is alive and of course overr all the human soul within it. When the body is dead and no soul within, why should I put gold, jewels, expensive wood and clothes on it? For what? The people would just lose a lot of money which could be used in a better way. (And in the worst cases the things will get robbed later)

So for me death is not the end. I can’t really tell what will happen afterwards, but something does. And if it is just for me. I believe, a believe can create more than just an illusion. So I believe. For you a believe might be useless, not rational. And yes, on a believe we can’t build houses, we can’t create critical things, bridge, cars, war machines. And I hate war machines, cars could also be better. Bridges, well they are bridges, but some of them are cheaper built than you might think. Just look on some bridges which collapsed and how long they were standing.

Compare it to old statues, monumnets and other things humans have created over time. Is it really all rational? Maybe more of us believe in things, but we don’t think we are, or think it is something else. People hundred years ago probably didn’t think, we would drive all in cars and busses nowadays. So they just built bridges for the cars they had back then and the horses and people. Now we know, that there are way more people and so many vehicles. But the bridges were already built in a way, they might only withstand a limited amount of vehicles.

Those who know, might believe “It will last some more years until I am not in charge again”, some might believe they are built to last for hundreds of years. But in reality many bridges need a lot of maintenance and repairs over the years and some need a complete rebuild after some time. Isn’t this just nonsense? We build to destroy because we believe it either will be destroyed anyways in some decades or it is just cheaper this way. Why can’t we build things, which are modular for example? Which could be changed over time, extended or reshaped? (Yeah, well easy said, but how? Explain.)

Well, you got me. It isn’t too easy. But we should think about such things before it is too late. Always building and destroying won’t work forever, as well as the climate won’t stay the same forever. Either because the earths cycle will make it hotter or colder, or our waste of resources, CO² etc.

The time is limited, the resources are limited, the humans are limited in some way. Sure we are more than ever (as far as we know). But maybe we weren’t the first at such a point, if you believe in the flood many old scriptures were talking about. Maybe they were more advanced than us, maybe they build the first pyramids and other things. Some cities under water now, some never to be found again. There sure is more to the story and in general history. And yet, we continue as if nothing is wrong. Not all of us, but too many do.

Even I do still eat things I actually shouldn’t eat. I may do things, I know which are wrong. But why? We know, we don’t know, but we do continue in a way, no one would understand, if not part of it. From the outside, we are all crazy people. Of course not all, but if you look at some ants, would you ask each of them, how the personally feel? You just see, that they are building a hill in your garden and then you might destroy it or put it away. (This doesn’t mean ants are evil or that building hills is bad, but we could be them.)

Each approach to make the world better ended in a worse world, am I wrong? We created machines to help us do hard work and some people used them to create things for bad purposes or just their own wealth, while others still suffered or even suffered more than before maybe.

Someone found a way to make explosives, to help people get resources out of rocks, but we used them for war. Some found out about atomic energy, maybe the future of energy and a new way of science. Maybe it could solve problems with resources and other things – we build atomic weapons and nuclear plants, which produce radioactive waste which kills plants and humans because it is often put into places where it should be (shouldn’t be here in the first place, but hey) and sometimes illegal. Toxic substances, waste in general.

We shouldn’t produce things cheap because they will get thrown away anyways. We should build them in a way, the resources could be used again, easily. But in the end many things just get burned in a hot oven or burried under a pile of dirt and other garbage on big hills. What a great life form we are. So intelligent, so much better than our ancestors, so advanced and productive. We dig our own graves man, we just don’t know, when the time has come that we will fall into them. When the trigger gets pulled and bullets push is into the graves we created. We shouldn’t have come this far in the first place, not like this. But it seems inenevitable, when you look at our history. We rise and fall because we can’t cooperate properly. We can’t live together because we always want things to be faster, easier, want to be rich, want to cool or just have power etc. Why? If all we get in the end is a bullet in the head and we could have prevented it, by doing the right thing?

Even if not for us, but the ones who can’t help themselves, but would want to help if they could. Why do we let this world burn? Why are there all these people ruling the world, who just want to rule it. They don’t know that saving it would be so much better, feel better. But they think they know better “I don’t have to change it, it is already too late, but I don’t care. I just want to have my great life and then the world can burn.” Or “I am so intelligent, I start wars because I want oil. Money, money money.”

Whatever it is, there are people who want to change, who want a change. Maybe it is too late, but it is never too late to change something. Even if it might be too late for it all to change. Just a little hope can save more, than we think. And even if we can’t save this world, maybe we could go somewhere else. But before this happens, this world will be destroyed I supposed. And if not, it would be the worst planet to live on. Just slaves and drones, machines and industries. A dystopic future, we all fear. A utopia is more like a nightmare nowadays because for us a utopic future seems impossible, so if something should look utopic, it must be evil, wrong and dystopic. Too good to be true because there is nothing good in this world.

But trust me, there is. Only where we probably least expect it or can’t see it yet. And I know it is there because of all the people who told their stories about finding purpose, love, life and trust. About a way to live which seems strange to many, but is better for us, those who can’t live in the “normal” society. It always changes over time, but in the end it just looks different. The majority will always think, they are better than the minority. And in the end a minority rules the majority, to supress the other minority, which actually should rule. Isn’t this the case all the time? (History simplified)

Today we have robots, 3D printing technics and other interesting things. Even houses can be “printed”. Maybe not in a big scale and not in mass production, but there are companies which already try this and have projects running. So if this is possible, why not think about a modular house. We have to let go from the current houses, from what a house looks like. A house in our eyes looks like a building with four walls for each room, some windows. Maybe multiple floors. A roof, a basement? A door to enter, something for the rain water, maybe some solar cells nowadays? You know what I mean. But except for some things like these solar cells, houses don’t look too much different from what they built tousands of years ago.

Now you might say, but back then they built dirt houses, houses with wood and stones. Our houses are more advanced, have plain shapes and colors. We can even produce our own energy nowadays. How can our houses be the same? Well, as I said, they look different, maybe have some upgrades, but in the end they are still some walls, windows, with some furniture inside.

I mean, yeah why should it be different? But that is the point. Just because it always has been, doesn’t mean it is the only way. “It is just how it is.”
I also have to say, I hate the sentence: “You don’t have to reinvent the wheel.” – “Das Rad nicht neu erfinden.” This is bullshit. And I already said (maybe not in this blog, but at some point), what would you say if the wheel as we know it would be haxagonal?

Everyone would say, well “Why should we reinvent it? It works, so why should we do it again?” And you just think of a round shaped wheel and you know it would be better or at least different, something new. They would say “Don’t reinvent the wheel.” and you don’t do it… Wouldn’t it be a shame? World could be so much easier, but well, we can’t reinvent that wheel, can we? As if too much work and “re-doing” what already has been done, would be a problem. It would take some more time, maybe, but in the end could be much better and totally worth it. So why shouldn’t we rethink our houses completely, as if we wouldn’t have head houses in the first place? No wood houses, no dirt houses, no castles and churches, nothing. (Yeah, well this mind not lead into the right direction, but I hope you understand) Just something new and the best we can. And don’t just say: “I will take fours walls and a roof then.” This is not how it works, even if it would looks similar to our current thing.

In a world in which it is more important to produce a new line of bubble gum with less costs, and more out come. In a world in which life is not important because economy has to grow. In a world in which health is the first topic, but no one really cares for it. Just in a strange way, but not really.
In this world, it isn’t possible to stop for a moment, think for some time and create something never seen before. All seems to be already made, all seems to be explored, nothing can be better because everything is, while nothing is good. Nothing is explored and we don’t understand a thing, while some do, but no one listens. Some think they know, but just want attention or respond to the crazy world in the way it shows itself to them. They might not be wrong all the time, but also many things are just stupid. Questioning everything, for the sake of questioning is not helpful. But if you have a good solution, if you see what is actually going on, not just assume. Then why not do something good and useful? Fighting each other is easy, helping each other is probably one of the hardest things. Real help, not just “Go see a therapist” or “Here are your pills, now go back into your line AND FUCKING WORK!”

From one side I am stupid, I am “just” a dreamer. I don’t have a real clue. I can’t do a thing. I don’t know basic things. I have no answer when someone asks. So I must be useless, am I? What I do is putting together, what others already said, wrote, thought, maybe did. What is me in all of this? For me it doesn’t matter, as long as it is helpful in some way. I don’t need to have something called my own, I just want to have a right to live. And if this means to die, I would die. But death is no escape, while it seems to be the only one out of misery. Instead we should see misery as a way to learn for our next steps. And I personally hate to hear the words “learn”, “training” and such things. For me it automatically means “knowing” and I know way too much already, I just can’t do what I know. So for me it should be called “experiencing the real thing”. And it is strange and can feel horrible at times. But sometimes fire will lead to water. Peanut butter sandwiches to a new life. Trust your heart, trust your true self – for me it is the soul, whatever the soul is. Some kind of energy, some kind of… whatever it is, it is good. Don’t give it away, don’t look it in. Release it and feel with it. You can’t save your soul when you lock it away, it will only get worse because you won’t know in the end, for what purpose you even tried to save it in the first place. Without a soul, we get what we hate. Soulless machines. (Although I would be able to build up a friendship with an actual machine, but that’s another story)

Back to the modular buildings and I might have already thought about it in the past, as I often do things again and again, when they don’t let leave me alone. What do we need for a good house? We need water, we need a shower, we need a place to wash our teeth. We need some sort of heating or cooling technology. Fresh air, low waste, a place to put our waste, something too make food. Something to store food in some way. Let’s first just think of all the things one normally needs, what isn’t too individual.
And of course place to sleep.

Now this is all very interesting and basic, but wouldn’t really make us feel happy. But a house is a place to live and not just sleep, wash and eat. And I know that. Still, we first have to develop something which is not alive, which is just functional. And then we can create life in it, right? Wrong. Because this way, we just do what we always do. Houses are often way too functional (in some way), but less human friendly. Not meaning they can’t look good for some people, but a house shouldn’t be “just” a house. This way it wouldn’t be special and also not loved. But we have to make things with love, with “fire” in our vanes and not just “Well, we need another house over here Bob.” Bob can build us a house, but he always does and he also demolishes older houses because their technology is too old, the walls might be broken and so on. And it goes on and on…

What would a house made with love look like? A new kind of “house” I should say because there are some houses made with love already, at least I guess so. But still most of them are in some way basic. Only that the planners may have thought about a bigger room for the children or a pool or something. And the house can look cool, work great and people can be happy inside of it (of course not only because of the house, but with the house as well). Still just a basic house. (Come to the point already, I don’t have all day.)

Okay, okay… Leave the room please. If you don’t have time, then why do you read all of this in the first place? Nothing better to do with your time? (And the people leave. Well done.) No, that wasn’t what I meant. But taking time, means taking a lot of time sometimes. And we can’t make big things, with no time or in no time. It always takes time and we either invest it or rest it, maybe waste it. But only if we waste it for something we don’t want to. If we “waste” it for ourselves (just relaxing), it isn’t wasted at all. Only if that is the only thing we want to do forever.

The question about a different house design might be a dumb idea, but then some of the new expensive hotels are also looking very different. But they don’t have any purpose in being different, except for getting more money because of it. No real difference, just another “skin”.

A house I would want, would be a house which can do more over time. Which can easily be modified, without expensive work and many people. Not easy this task, I know. And it isn’t my task after all, maybe. I am just thinking about it. I can’t really create houses. So you might say, then why do you think about it?

Well why do authors think about future life, about stories? Often they don’t really know how things work, only to a point. Still they start writing. Then they investigate things, when they reach such a point. Ask experts and do some research. Maybe even some experiments themselves, who knows. And then they write again. So an author grows while writing. It doesn’t have to be this way, maybe the author already knows much about the topic, just one possible way. Writing and thinking about things, other people say “Why should I think about this?” can lead to interesting results. This isn’t a rule, but a chance and a hope.

So only because they don’t want to think about it because for them it seems like wasted time, doesn’t mean it will be wasted time for you. Maybe you know more about it than they do. Maybe you will learn more about it, than they will ever learn about what they are doing all day long. People say many things, just do what feels right, but not what just lets you win. What is good and not just for yourself. The right thing in some way, it will be good for you in some way. Even if it brings pain. Better physical pain, than inner pain, when you know something is wrong, but you can’t fix it anymore or just think you can’t, so you continue doing it wrong.

Where are the new house the designs now? Show me?
Well, nothing to be found here, it seems. Not now.
It could be something different. But we have to think about things, we shouldn’t think about because others say they were already thought about. Maybe someone did forget to think about this simple detail you have in mind. Maybe you don’t even know about it right now. So why not explore the things agin, we seem to already know everything about?

(Just a little break for my thoughts)
Almost made me cry again.

(I know it is already in the playlist, but I just want this version as well)
Just a great song.

The world could be so beautiful, if we would just go where we didn’t go yet.
Do, what we didn’t do for good? Nothing is static, only the static in your ears, in your eyes, in your mind, the heart. The static which shows you, you can’t exist like this. So you shouldn’t be the static, but the one who does the other thing. We just want to be free to do what we want, just want to live. But others don’t want us to be free, just like that.

I really should add more space between my lines.
So much text, man I can’t remember writing this much.
I just hope you could survive the walls of text so far. I know it is hard to read because it is not shaped properly and a lot to think about, maybe even nonsense. But thank you for reading! 🙂 Love you!

Sometimes I write “should” when I actually meant “shouldn’t” but I forgot the “n’t” or the “not”. Well I just found one of these in this post, so when you should incounter one of these false logics, please be kind. I meant the right thing, okay? 😀 You will know it, when you see it. I just too often think faster than I can write, why such things can happen.