Day 5 (until dawn)

Wuhan – the city now known for a virus

“Sometimes it is better to say nothing.”

I should probably stick to this sentence, but then I would probably do even less and less for myself and others. If all I am is just getting stranger and stranger, than not writing about it would also not help. So if I don’t say a thing, I just get broken more and more without anyone noticing.
This said, I can be pretty normal at times. I can feel whole as one.
So I am just broken when I know that there is something I don’t like and want, but I have to do it, at least it seems like it. I am not talking about washing the dishes or buying some food (although I often didn’t do that as well in the past years, but just because I was exhausted inside). No things like calling someone, fixing some problems or talking with other people in general. Things one normally does, but I can’t.

I can do these things, when I am well and I want to, but then most of the time I have no need for this or just want to do it alone in peace. So it is a problem. Arrrrggh. Dam it…

Many things are going through my mind and in the end most of the time that is just it. Nothing happens. But now I put some things out of one cabinet and I am looking forward to either give the things people I like and want some of it or just sell it or donate it etc.
I also started this blog thing, finally.

But if someone should ask, why are you doing this?
Well, because I have to, because I feel like it. That is all? Well, maybe.

And about my music or what I am writing etc. I don’t care whether it is “allowed” to make music the way I do it or whether a blog is “supposed” to be used like I do. I just “do it my way”, okay?


The Dreamer

One lives a life in fears,
wipes away all those invisible tears.
But when they are dreaming away,
they just want to stay.

Not for the fear or worries,
not for the money or pain,
because of the possible stories,
the fresh air after the rain.

Before the dream is always some steam.
A foggy forest without any light.
Then you walk in anyways.
Your flash light isn’t that bright,
in the distant an animal scream.
In the forest are many ways.

Go left, go right, go in between,
like never they ever have seen.
On the other side you are always stronger,
no matter if it’s fast or takes longer.

– J.SYS


I could say, my anchor is writing (edit: I wrote “… actor is writing” the first time o_O). No matter what happened in the last months. I almost every day wrote or at least posted some videos or something. I think I can’t live without writing now. Not because I couldn’t stop writing for some days, but because I just have to write and it feels good in some way, refreshing, and it is somehow a relief.

Well, and just while we are “talking”, the title is “until dawn”, but sometimes I just post this around 3 AM or 4 AM etc.
So it isn’t always until dawn, but what I wrote before I went to bed in the early hours of the new day. Just in case you should have asked yourself, is he sleeping at some point? 🙂

I also won’t be able to make three posts a day like I did the first days. But I just wanted to and had time to right now. It is strange, I am at home because I feel down, while I act as if I am happier than ever because both is true. And none of it. Everything together, at some moments through out the day.

Some say, they always say, something like: “You are wrong.” or “You have to do it this way, not like that.”

Little do they know, who they are talking to. But luckely for them, the one they are talking to doesn’t know either, it seems.
A true master does not always what the others say is right. They create their own way and if they are true masters, it will be better in the end.
Only because one can’t see what is wrong now will be right later, doesn’t mean it has to stay wrong. Remember my friends, some of the greatest authors and artists got tolds they were doing it all wrong. Later they got famous because they did something new, never seen before.

We humans like to create borders where none should be.
To make things easier for ourselves, but more difficult in general and for most of us. Bad rulers always needed borders. So they could show, how big their empire is. A good ruler shoudn’t feel the need for borders because there are always enough bad rules to define the rules for him. So a good ruler only needs to withstand the other ones need for borders. (More an image than actual talking about borders).

If something I write, makes no sense and isn’t wise in any way, just ignore what I say. I am not a master of any kind, I am not a wise one in any way.
I am still just a lost soul, on a path to find a better destiny than the one it fear before. So in other words, anything I write and wrote which is useful and wise, is not my work. I am just broken. So if it is not my work, it is either someone else I am reffering to or the higher power, I am connected with, while I am not broken.

I can’t do a thing alone. I alone am just broken because of this world. Before I was one with everything and I shall be one again, as I was a couple of weeks before. The fight is not over yet.

Peace out sister! Have a great day!
And if not, you know where you find me. 😀



For the track Tantum desperandum:

Acts 2:42
“All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.”

Surah Al-Baqarah [2:42]
“And do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know [it].”

Acts 2:43-47
“A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved.”


Well, that is some intersting data.
I have to process this. See you soon. 🙂

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