It’s scary how I am really working on two threads which work against each other in some way and then work together.
One wants to finally end my life because it sees no good future.
And the other one, see so many possibilities and wonders, it can’t think about dying just now.
So how does this work? Well, of course if you consider my own diagnostics, you know. And then in the middle is this guy who has to decide which thread gets priority. But then how is he supposed to know what is better?
I am of course you would pick the thread which wants to live and has so much hope. Of course you would… But then is it me or something else who decides? The illness, the bad me, the neutral is a lie? Questions about nothing, I should ask about because I know the answers. Why should I ask? Because I still don’t trust myself, how should I? I know how. But then how. Tell me? I might do it wrong… BECAUSE I ALWAYS DO IT WRONG! Right? Right or wrong? Nothing makes sense, if everything makes sense because then you can’t believe it does.
Am I writing too much? Yes, I think so.
Do you mean I am writing to much about nonsense. Probably.
Do you think it is very strange? Indeed, my friend, indeed.
So why do you do it? Because I can.
Yep, because I can.
No, no wait, this can’t be it? No, it isn’t.
Ah, eh what? Yeah, well I have strange mind you know.
Beautiful mind? No, really strange. It is only beautiful, when I am in my save zone. And then were is it when I need it the most? I mean it is not a physical place, it is more a place inside of me. And yet I can’t find it, when I am really down.
Because I probably put it upstairs?
Must be the problem. Next time I should build it in the basement, so I will fall down there no matter what. 😀
In the end, this is the save space? So I have a problem, without the possibility to write? Sure, but then what I am writing is nothing special?
(Ah, ehm what did you say?)
(It is special for you, isn’t it?)
Well, sure, sometimes. But then why should it be special for someone else?
(It is, you know?)
Ehm, okay, if you say so.
(Man, keep it up, okay)
Are you a commentator or what?
(No what? I am you and you are me. We already had this several times, don’t you remember?)
Sure, I know. So why aren’t we just friends?
(Life questions which could stop or prevent so many wars and miseries…)
(Because we hate each other. Just because we can…)
Ah, right… piece of shit.
(Hey, the poor donkey is a smart one and donkeys are better than you.)
(What you say?)
Eh… never mind.
(But I am your… ah never mind.)